it's been looking like the end of my dA journey for about a year now, but when shit hits the fan and you're only left with smithereens of disappointments, you know it's done.
a few years ago, someone from real life asked me what deviantART was; i responded with, "home." and it was. it was the warmest home i had because i met beautiful, wonderful people who made the ugly i felt becoming me, less ugly. beautiful people who have now ripped me into absolutely miserable pieces and have had no problem leaving me behind unanimously.
but the souls i met here, the souls who somehow connected with my words, saw what i didn't even see in it and found it beautiful enough to remember, i cannot tell you how much i love you all for it. i have a folder of all the comments i ever received in the past and it makes me outright happy to know that even in a little, seemingly trivial moment, i made a difference in someone's life. it sounds cliche as hell but i don't care because it means beyond much to me.
dA is not home anymore, that isn't to say i won't find another home again. it's been polluted with people long after they had taken their leaves and i'm done being an afterthought.
i'll keep my stuff up until further notice. i just need final drafts backed up before i can permanently close this account. i don't see myself publishing for the longest time but i am still young and if anything happens or if y'all remember me, you will be the first to know.
lastly, if any of you wish to keep in contact with me, and i mean real contact, not hi hello how are ya end of conversation, after telling me who you are, here's where:
if you'd prefer talking anywhere else, i'll be happy to respond to notes.
thank you, dA and all four hundred and thirty three of you, from the bottom of my heart for everything, for reading, and commenting, adding my words to your favourites and various collections. thank you for putting up with me, for the features and every single kind thing any of you have ever done to and for me. believe me when i say that it has kept me going. if anyone survived being close to me, they would concur.
thank you for the bad things too, especially the hurt. someday i'll conquer it and make myself a hundred times better than i am now. and what i am now is beautiful and precious; i can't wait till i fully create myself again and again and again.
i wish you all so, so well. i hope all of you find what you're looking for and stay/become beautiful. thank you again.