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He was a tad too much on the anachronistic side and I was almost rudely schizophrenic. He taught me that touch was a gift only death could bring for me. So I swam through film strips caked with silver bromide, that made my eyes red and smelled the way water does when you know you're going to drown, to leap towards this friend - this world - I was too far from to experience.

He felt my veins bulge - so transparent, so prominent - every time my fingers would mischievously curl into a fist in his luscious chocolatey locks. He would loosen and play with them as he would with stray strands of hair. When I would tell him that it hurt too much, he would say that anxiety is a luxury only the insane deserve. So I decided it was too late to stop trying to stay here and plummeted down faster than I probably should have.

He was more than my thoughts could conceive in a laid out algorithm. He was a slave and a mentor to only my desire. He was too chivalrous, too light-hearted and too much of me for him to be okay with existing. Though he taught me so much, I only taught him how to taunt and question; how to disfigure happiness in a way, even misery didn't resemble the outcome.

He was my almost; the only one who could not possibly make me ache. He would leave when I wanted him to and crawl back to me when I did not feel the need to apologize. He was my flesh hammock on days the sun didn't feel like rising nor the rain wanting to stop. He could insert periods in verbose sentences and say writing was never my calling; he was.

He was not corporeal. And most of him had no will (rather my will) to be. He wished for nothing more than to depart from what seemed like the end of me. He never wanted to be there when it happened. He wanted me to be whole and fixed on a reality that was going to end anyway. He taught me that good things never came to those who wait. In fact, they had to be snatched and so did I. But he couldn't decide which he wanted more; me or my life. He just didn't know that my end was his beginning - his being alive.

He was light of emotion but too taut of looks. His face only wrinkled when I seemed to worry him with my loosened grip on insanity. He wanted me just as tight as the hair pulled behind his head; like the noose hung from my ceiling just as I stepped off the desk. He wanted me his, and I wasn't sure if I wanted him mine. So when our lessons were learnt, we swam in vintage film to a place of more pursuit than opportunities.

He could not show me the difference.
I haven't been verbose in very long. So here, have a bit of past me with new me stories. I'd really like some feedback on this.

:bulletblack: Is this too verbose?
:bulletblack: Favourite line/part?
:bulletblack: Grammatical errors?

reading done here: [link]
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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I failed to comment on how much I love this the last time I read this. :heart:
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Student Writer
You're lovely. :heart: :hug:
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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: You are.
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student Writer
"He was my almost; the only one who could not possibly make me ache. He would leave when I wanted him to and crawl back to me when I did not feel the need to apologize. He was my flesh hammock on days the sun didn't feel like rising nor the rain wanting to stop. He could insert periods in verbose sentences and say writing was never my calling; he was."

Absolutely love that bit.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you. For the watch as well. :heart:
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student Writer
My pleasure. :huggle:
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:iconvioletense:
violetense Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Student Writer
No, I do not think this is too verbose.
My favorite line: he was my almost.
None that I see.
Keep up the lovely work, darling.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
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:iconunspecifiedunknown:
UnspecifiedUnknown Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013   Writer
"He was a tad too much on the anachronistic side and I was almost rudely schizophrenic. He taught me that touch was a gift only death could bring for me. So I swam through film strips caked with silver bromide, that made my eyes red and smelled the way water does when you know you're going to drown, to leap towards this friend - this world - I was too far from to experience."
&
"He was not corporeal. And most of him had no will (rather my will) to be. He wished for nothing more than to depart from what seemed like the end of me. He never wanted to be there when it happened. He wanted me to be whole and fixed on a reality that was going to end anyway. He taught me that good things never came to those who wait. In fact, they had to be snatched and so did I. But he couldn't decide which he wanted more; me or my life. He just didn't know that my end was his beginning - his being alive."

this piece hurt to read, but it's so wonderfully lively and melancholic it has its own palpitations. as always, admired & awed by your voice. it rings loudly.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
What a lovely comment. Thank you, sweetie. :rose:
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:iconvicerineofangels:
VicerineOfAngels Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
Really liked this, and liking it more on the second read-through. Really set me thinking... I think my favourite part would be "So when our lessons were learnt, we swam in vintage film to a place of more pursuit than opportunities." Very rich in evocative images. :)
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so very much.
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:iconvicerineofangels:
VicerineOfAngels Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
That's okay. :D
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:iconlacewinged-beauty:
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
Flesh hammock - my favourite phrase in this piece, for sure.

I like it. I was a bit hesitant at first but it came together nicely in the end. Well done.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you very much, dear.
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:iconlacewinged-beauty:
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
You're welcome, though it wasn't much of a comment.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
Of course it was, silly.
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:iconlacewinged-beauty:
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
:blush:

I'm feeling a little out of sorts, socially. I'm concerned that it is starting to show through.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
You might seem out of sorts to people who don't understand. I don't judge your lows, much like I don't judge you because you're more lovely than odd or both in a beautiful way.

That didn't make much sense.
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:iconlacewinged-beauty:
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer

I understood it completely. Thank you :tighthug:
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:iconundertheshaydewood:
UndertheShaydeWood Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
Sometimes your writing drives me into deeper crevasses of meaning that I am able to reason - which is good, which is really good. My entire Jungian being is taken off guard - my intellect, my emotions, my gut, and my soul. I do't even know where to begin my analysis. "We swam in a vintage film..." resonates so alluringly to "So I swam through film strips caked with silver bromide" because I was a dark-room fanatic, and because it is a deep metaphor that I could write an essay about. I hope students are called upon to study your work in the future of your success, because there is an endless supply of metaphysical conceit here that even Donne would praise to emulate.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
I love dark-rooms.
And that is a huge compliment, sir. I hope so too. :blush: Thank you!
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:iconundertheshaydewood:
UndertheShaydeWood Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
You're very, very welcome. I am one of your most ardent fans and hope for yur great success so that I can say, "I knew you when!" But you are my mentor is this new-age symbolism, and happily I follow.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Overall this was a very capturing read. It carried a feeling of obsession through quite subtly and give this "he" an uneasy draw.

There were some truly lovely lines:
So I swam through film strips caked with silver bromide, that made my eyes red and smelled just a little bit like the kind stuck in your nose when you're about to drown, to leap towards this friend - this world - I was too far from to experience. (except maybe say 'that reddened my eyes and smelled')

Though he taught me so much, I only taught him how to taunt and question; how to disfigure happiness in a way, even misery didn't resemble the outcome.

He just didn't know that my end was his beginning - his being alive.

I don't think it was too verbose for the most part but there were places with extraneous words. I've already pointed out one place but another:

I decided it was too late to release my grip on this spiral I was headed down --> "release my grip on" seems like an odd choice when dealing with spiraling down. maybe say: too late to stop this spiral and maybe further, replace "I was headed down to" with "I was descending and plummet down". :shrug: up to you.

my thoughts could possibly conceive --> 'possibly' isn't that necessary.

Other than that, a rather intriguing piece but also quite an emotional one in feeling for the narrator.
Also, I really like the opening line - it's a good hook.
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
You're a darling. :hug:

Thank you so much for the suggestions. I made some edits. I took your advice but not the phrases you suggested (^^; I wanted to keep one of them so I changed the sentence.. If it still sounds out of place, I'll change it :nod:)

Done.

Thank you very, very much, dear. It means more than I can express.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
very welcome :thumbsup:

I'm glad I could be of help :hug:
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
Definitely not too verbose. The prose is beautiful, and it goes with what you are writing about.

Favorite: He taught me that good things never came to those who wait. In fact, they had to be snatched and so did I.

I guess because I can really relate to that line. I've always been a waiter and a careful planner. Now I'm married after a three month engagement and moving across the country to somewhere I might be happy. Totally on an impulse. Good things come to those who aren't afraid to take a plunge.

No grammatical errors that I can see.

This is so very beautiful! :heart:
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much.

Oh my GOD, I'm SO happy for you! :heart: :heart:
CONGRATS!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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:iconsurrealcachinnation:
SurrealCachinnation Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013   Writer
You're welcome, and thank you!

I really enjoyed this piece. :heart:
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:iconadrolyn:
Adrolyn Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, really good, strong work, and it carries that strength from beginning to end. Nicely balanced with a lot of good lines. Like the part about him putting periods in your verbose sentences, lol. In stanza 4, I think you meant "the sun didn't feel like rising nor the rain wanting to stop".

You write poetry and prose with really cool long words. =)
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much, dear.
Gosh oops, I'll fix that, thank you.

Ooo, which long words are you talking about?
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:iconadrolyn:
Adrolyn Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OK, since you asked, and I'm kind of in a weird mode today...

Take a look at this and produce a poem containing ONLY the words that are 7 letters or longer (that is, no 6 letter words or less).
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:iconyour-methamphetamine:
your-methamphetamine Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
:iconchallengeacceptedplz:
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:iconadrolyn:
Adrolyn Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not much of a challenge, just take them in the order they already are and see what happens. I just did it for the first couple of stanzas and it looked cool.
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