"there'll be days like this," my mama said, when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises, when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly but the very people you want to save, are the ones standing on your cape, when your boots with fill with rain and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment but those are the very days you have all the more reason to say, "thank you." because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shore line, no matter how many times it is sent away."
things are different. they're happening. they're walking towards me and aren't strangling me the way they used to.
these are the facts:
- I can't save everyone, no matter how much I try or how much it kills me.
- I am never, ever going to give up on myself.
- I can make a difference; it'll show where it matters.
- the growth is so apparent now. it may not be getting better but it is changing. it's up to me what course this change takes.
- writing is an outlet, not a hobby or a profession for me. publishing is a bonus but it's not what I'm working towards. (that might change someday)
- things will disappoint me, but they'll also fill me with joy someday.
- I am not okay. I am not.
- but I will be okay.
so if this journal has a purpose, it's to say thank you to the people I haven't said it to or made it clear enough to. if you've ever felt what I've felt by reading what I've written or talked to me when I'm down or even wished me well, thank you. it means so much to me and know that I am doing the same for every one of you.
I hope you all are doing well.